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By Olga Polites

Newsweek

 

Jan. 23, 2006 issue - I was the one who was home on that Tuesday afternoon in 2000, just having gotten back from a jog. Since my husband was walking in the door from work, I was the one who answered the phone when my sister-in-law called to tell us that her 22-year-old cousin had been brutally murdered in a robbery attempt gone awry. Nearly hysterical, she kept repeating, "We've lost him. We've lost him." After the young men suspected of the crime were arrested the next day, my husband turned to me and asked, "Are you still opposed to capital punishment?"

Since then I've thought a great deal about the death penalty. It's hard not to, and not just because a heinous crime hit so close to home. More recently, lawyers, politicians and even Supreme Court justices are increasingly questioning the role of the death penalty in our justice system. I always thought I knew exactly where I stood on this issue, but now I find myself constantly wavering.

My husband's cousin Constantine was living at home while attending Temple University when his newly moved-in next-door neighbors and their friend broke into a second-floor bedroom window, looking for some quick cash. Constantine, who didn't have any classes scheduled that day, most likely confronted them. After what police believe was a short struggle, Constantine was tied up with an electrical cord, stabbed 41 times and shot three times in the head. One of the bullets landed in the kitchen sink on the first floor. When his mother came home from work later that afternoon, she found him. Neighbors said her screams could be heard blocks away.

Going to the funeral, watching Constantine's parents deal with the aftermath of what had been done to their son, was terribly painful. For months they couldn't resume working, saying repeatedly that they couldn't think about the future because as far as they were concerned, theirs had abruptly ended.

When the trial took place two years later, all three suspects were convicted, and the prosecutor's office sought the death penalty for the shooter. I was in court for the penalty phase, and as I listened to witnesses testify on his behalf, I was surprised at how indifferent I was to his personal plight. I didn't much care that his family had escaped from Vietnam and that he'd had problems assimilating to American culture, or that his parents had a difficult time keeping him out of trouble.

Before this happened, I likely would have argued that this young defendant had extenuating circumstances beyond his control. But not anymore. Maybe it's because my daughter is almost the same age as Constantine was when he was killed, or maybe it's because the reality of experience trumps theoretical beliefs. Whatever the reason, when I looked at the young man sitting at the defense table, I didn't see a victim. All I saw was the man who took my family member's life.

I find it hard now to resist the urge to support the death penalty, especially since it's getting so much attention. Some states, such as Illinois, have placed moratoriums on executions; others have looked into how well defendants are represented at trial. I recognize that there are sound reasons for doing so. The recent use of DNA has proved that some former death-row inmates were unfairly convicted. Locking up the innocent is unacceptable; executing the innocent is unconscionable. And I agree with recent Supreme Court rulings barring the execution of the mentally retarded, the criminally insane and those who committed crimes when they were juveniles.

Perhaps a serious review in the way the death penalty is administered will bring about changes that are clearly necessary. Justice John Paul Stevens is right: there are serious flaws in how we apply capital punishment. Intellectually, I can make the argument that it does not deter crime, and that race and class play major roles in determining who ends up on death row. But the truth is that personal involvement with the horrible crime of murder renders the academic arguments for or against capital punishment meaningless. It was easy to have moral objections to an issue that didn't affect me directly.

The jury verdict for Constantine's killer was life in prison without parole. Although he'll die in jail, there's a part of me that wishes he got the death penalty. I'm not proud of this, nor am I sure that next year, or even next month, I'll feel this way. What I am sure of is that today, my head still says that capital punishment should be abolished, but my heart reminds me of the pain of losing Constantine.

Polites lives in Cherry Hill, N.J.

© 2006 Newsweek, Inc.