Feedback on Paper 1
S: I found that many of the papers did not fulfill the assignment.
E: In other words, you not only did things that you were not supposed to do but also omitted features that the assignment sheet specifies.
E: For example, almost everyone left out an SEE-I, and hardly anybody used more than one or two elements.
I: As a result, my experience of reading your papers was like how I would feel on Thanksgiving if I prepared an elaborate feast for you, but you brought your own McDonald's takeout.
I'm going to hand back your papers in a moment. Here are five points to keep in mind:
One: The 5-par. essay structure is very limiting. Here is WA 8: " . . . 5-paragraph form runs counter to virtually all of the values and attitudes that they [student] need in order to grow as writers and thinkers--such as respect for complexity, tolerance of uncertainty, and the willingness to test and complicate rather than just assert ideas." Those of you who used 5-par. essay structure in paper 1 did "1 on 10" rather than the preferred method, "10 on 1." In other words, you said less about more and took an additive approach to your organization. It was better to pick one area of influence (e.g., your family) and say more about it than to consider religion, parents, friends, media, and geographical location all in a single paper. The assignment, I said, was to do an "archeological" excavation of your thinking: depth, not breadth, was the objective.
Two: You need to use a comma before a coordinating conjunction that joins two independent clauses. For example, "Dick throws the ball, and Jane catches it." The rule is "A and B" but "A, B, and C."
Three: Things omitted from your first papers. Basically, almost all of the papers needed another thoughtful draft. Some were WRIT 101 or HMXP 102 papers because of the following omissions:
Focused topic.
SEE-I.
The elements. You should have started using the elements.
Quotations from Nosich and Tompkins or Percy.
Sufficient length: some papers were too short. Five full pages was the minimum length.
MLA format.
Underlining, boldfacing.
Four: You should all study "Forbidden!" on our course website. It is a list of common problems that you should learn to recognize and avoid. Note: It is very problematic to write sentences with any of the big four: comma splices, fragments, run-ons, and dangling modifiers (DM). If you have any of these errors, you should seek help soon.
Fifth, using the Bible as the sole reason why you are against SSM did not work very well. Some of you wove biblical quotations into a tapestry that spelled out "SSM is bad." But you did not also indicate why you endorse the Bible's views. It was important to go a step further by examining why you read the Bible that way. For example, what is the origin of the conservatism that underlies adherence to a biblical denunciation of SSM? WHY do you believe what you believe? Because the Bible tells me so only gets you partway.
Finally, you will not be satisfied with your grades, and that is a good thing. But remember that 2 visits to the WC will get you enough extra credit to change a D- to a B- or a C paper to an A. Remember too that my door is open--make an appointment with me to discuss your next paper. And start earlier next time. There is no reason why you should be turning in rough drafts. Don't wait until the last minute to go to the WC or come to my office.